Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
