You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
