I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
