You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
