This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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