nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
