yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
