My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
