Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can't trust your balls anymore.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
