apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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