At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
