dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
