You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
as a side note pls kill me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
