oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
