i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
