You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
