We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
