He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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