You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You made out with two different species that night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
