Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
