I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
