party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
