The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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