i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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