I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
