Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
