you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
