the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
...so i touched it.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
