dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
