I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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