remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
