I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
