Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
