You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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