Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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