When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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