we have pet lesbian snakes
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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