I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
