I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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