You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
