we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
