That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
