Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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