That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
