I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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