took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
