before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
