Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
