Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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