I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
