You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
