you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Randomize
