What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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